Tasting one for the Team: Blue Doom part 2

You’ve seen how the (blue) sausage is made. Now let’s give it a try!

I think this is the first item I genuinely felt a little sorry about foisting onto other people. It was all fun and games until I opened the frosting, and a then a sad little ghost flew out and went into my mouth and now he lives in my belly, weeping. Just weeping. For me; for him; for all of us.

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Luckily, everyone was a real good sport about it and had some great comments (and faces) to boot. Plus I figured out how to make GIFs, so: lucky you!

We decided to try the frosting by itself, then the cookie by itself, then a frosted cookie. I think we made the right decision.


MONIQUE

The Frosting
“It’s…it’s so blue! It’s so bluuuue! It’s so bluuuuuuuuuuue!” (Mo actually started crying a little bit, while just repeating “It’s so blue” over and over again. Then she actually tasted it. Then she immediately spit it out)

Mo frosting

“You know those juices that you buy in the little plastic disposable barrel? It tastes like that, but…with chalk, and like all the blue food coloring. Oh god. I didn’t think it would taste that bad!”

The Cookie
“Okay. Not as bad as the frosting. Still terrible…not as bad, though.”

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“Oh man. God, this tastes like sh**. Can I have a napkin to spit this out in, please?
It’s like, first you taste baked…and then you taste bad.”

Cookie + Frosting

“Oh maaaaaaaan. It’s like a root canal. I’m gonna start crying again!”IMG_4406

“Oh god. Oh god. OH GOD.

“Honestly, when it’s just the cookie, it tastes like sh** but you can kind of get through it? But when it’s shrouded in this nasty-ass frosting…it’s terrible. It’s horrible! If I brought this to a children’s birthday party, they’d all revolt. I’d be the worst Auntie in the world.

“Ooooh…Jen is gonna be maaaaaad…can I stay and watch?”

Yes, Monique. You can stay and watch.


JEN

The Frosting
“This looks like paint. Oh god.” (Monique is cackling.)

Jen frosting

“It’s like that…grape taste. That fake grape taste.”

MO: “Like flavor ice! Like grape flavor ice. It’s like glue.”

JEN: “It’s got a sour milk thing going on. UGH. This is what you give to somebody you hate.”

The Cookie

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“It’s like that very bad blueberry flavoring. Grape. Grape plus blueberry. I feel like I’m eating a Yankee candle.”

Cookie + Frosting
I ask Jen if the frosting by itself or with the cookie is better.

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“It’s equally all bad. There’s nothing good here. Bad, bad, bad.”

At this point, Michelle interjects to let us know that her fiancé, who likes to have packages sent to our work address instead of his for some reason, has received something in the mail. Well, one of two somethings. Two of the same something. Sorry, to be clear: he has ordered two identical flip-down light-up magnifying headsets. Michelle does not know why.

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We briefly speculate as to whether he is secretly a serial murderer, jeweler, painter-of-tiny-figurines, or worse. We’ll update if we get more intel.

You’re up, Michelle!

MICHELLE
The Frosting
“Oh noooooooooo.”

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“Umm…oh, it’s really chalky. It’s like caulk.

JOAN: “You’re the only one who didn’t spit that out, by the way.”

MICHELLE: “The texture is very bad, it’s very chalky. Oof.”

The Cookie
“There’s like a film on the inside of my mouth.”

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“It’s raspberry…there’s some other flavor. What is that?” (Just a note that Michelle was really committed to parsing out this whole flavor experience. Good on ya, Michelle!)

Cookie + Frosting
“Well, the sprinkles are really pretty!”

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“I’m goin’ for it. (takes a big bite) Umm…there’s something that it tastes like, and I can’t put my finger on it. Ummm…I wanna say like, Flintstone vitamins?

“…Am I the only one who swallowed that?”

Not for long. My turn!


LIZ
The Frosting
“It’s grape, you’re right.”

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“Ohhh. It’s really…it really is the texture. It’s grape, but it’s got a little bit of bubblegum, too. It’s like bubble tape! That dusty…wow. It’s unbelievably sweet, too. I think it’s deceptive to label that ‘blue raspberry’.”

The Cookie
“This is still super gross, but after the frosting…”

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“I have to say, the candy bits add an interesting bit of texture. I bet those are the same things that they put in, like, fake blueberry muffins. Same flavor and everything.”

Cookie + Frosting

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“That frosting ruins everything it touches. The cookie…you shouldn’t be able to ruin this cookie, It’s already pretty terrible. It’s a double tragedy. The frosting by itself is by far the worst.”

Chris, you said you wanted to try one of these, right?

CHRIS
The Frosting
“I’m so excited!”

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“Uuuuugh, that’s disgusting!”

LIZ: “You weren’t expecting it to be that bad, were you?”

CHRIS: “No! That’s HORRIBLE! I’m embarrassed that I was so excited! …Ugh, I feel like it’s ON me.”

The Cookie
“Those look so cute!”

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“I don’t think the cookies are half bad. I do NOT want that frosting on this cookie though.” (Too bad, cause you’re gonna eat it.)

“The cookie’s not that bad! Can I finish it?” (He does).

“Now I have to eat it all together?” (Yes, you do.)

Cookie + Frosting
“What’s on top of it? Stuff that invisibilizes the frosting?” (Those are sprinkles.)

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“That frosting is SO BAD. Oh my god! Uuuuuuuugh. Who MADE THAT? Betty Crocker? She’s a BIIIIITCH. I kind of want another cookie though. Can I have one? Are you guys embarrassed that I want another cookie?” (Nope, go ahead!)

“Do kids actually eat this frosting?”

I’m sure they have. That doesn’t make it okay.

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VERDICTS

Frosting: Kill it with fire. The worst. 6 out of 5 BLERGHs. May nothing so terrible ever darken our door again.

Cookies: 4 out of 5 BLERGHs; but really only in comparison to the frosting.

Both together: An even 5 out of 5. The frosting ruins an already-bad cookie; but it’s not quite as bad as the frosting itself.

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All Joan would try was to read the ingredient label. (With middling success.)

Well, there you have it. What do you think, friend? Would you submit yourself to this blue horror?

Hint: the correct answer is “no, absolutely not.”

Until next time, jerks!

xoxo
Liz and the Liddabit crew

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Just a reminder that we are gluttons for punishment and welcome submissions. Just stuff something gross into an old pillowcase, write the below address on it in glitter glue, and bring it into your friendly local post office for prompt delivery. Don’t forget to bring a jar full of dimes to pay the postage!

Liddabit Sweets
c/o: Liz Gutman
220 36th St.
Unit 113
Brooklyn, NY 11232

 

 

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